Robert Augustus Masters Q&A Part Seven
March 13, 2006
A. Dan/crystallake2 asks:
1. I am married with two kids (ages 8 and 10). I find it hard to spare much time to be focused on transformative practices, including psychotherapy. My desire to practice conscious transformation is as great as my desire to have a family and to be able to provide for them. On one level this seems like a conflict. I then expect all the canned answers such as "Your entire life is one meditation, live it" or "Everything is an opportunity for growth" or "It's all one, there is no separation." Those ideals don't seem to effectively address the issue on a practical level.
To give a contrasting example (and the ego loves contrasts, always comparing itself to another object of consciousness), I have a friend who lived for years in a spiritual community and never has had children or committed to any marriage. He lived a simple, debt free life with as little clutter as possible. He even only owned two or three pieces of furniture as an example of how he thought and lived. Simplicity to the extreme. To this day at almost 60 years of age he remains "free" as a result of his philosophy of simplicity and has the time to pursue a "spiritual" lifestyle.
I work 5 AM until 8:30 PM 5 - 6 days a week. To pursue transformative practices I will have to get by with 3-4 hrs sleep to squeeze everything into a 24 hr day (and thats exactly what I may need to do). First things first however. I have all the baggage that goes with a family including financial debt. That's first, then whatever is left over goes to "spiritual" activities (i.e. meditation, psychotherapy, weight lifting, etc, etc. I-I's ILP core modules)
My question is, what would you say to someone in my shoes. Is it impossible to have your cake and eat it to? Or is there a strategy even for home makers and parents who have so many worldly obligations?
Yes, raising a family is a "Dharma", but I don't see many examples of these people really moving quickly up the ladder of evolution as in other alternative lifestyles where you have the free time to directly and specifically focus upon transformative practices and activities (ILP core modules that have been proven to work according to Integral Institutes research and recommendations). There are so many "dysfunctional" families these days. It seems that having a family generates so much dysfunction for so many.
Are families a hinderance to authentic transformation? Is there a deeper answer than "Everything is Grist for the Mill"? Creating a balanced fusion of worldly life and inner life is the greatest challenge many face.
Robert answers:
1. First of all, I think it’s crucial that you not turn such well-meaning statements as “everything is an opportunity for growth” into shoulds or occasions to feel bad about yourself. Ask yourself if those who are delivering such statements to you are in (or have been in) anything like your situation, and if not, are they truly getting how it is for you? At the same time, though, you still need to do something with your situation that makes it more workable for you. Do you absolutely have to work such long hours? Is there anything else you could do work-wise that would require less time? If not, then do you get many breaks at work, and if you do, can you do any rejuvenative or transformative practices then?
I strongly recommend (and perhaps you’re already doing this) that you incorporate meditative practice into your work; that is, as you do what you do, periodically do it mindfully. A half-minute here and there throughout your day can do wonders. If you drive back and forth to work, use that time to practice mindfulness and to do any other practice that helps you become more present, like chanting or singing. And home life? Some of what little time you have left of course needs to go to your children and partner, which leaves not much for you, so you need to do whatever you can to make your time with your kids and partner quality time for you too. Not necessarily easy, I know, but definitely doable.
More recommendations: Before you go to sleep, sit for 10 minutes or so, doing whatever meditative practice most easily settles and calms you, then suggest to yourself that you will be aware of dreaming while you are dreaming, so as to help induce lucid dreaming. Why? Because you can work on yourself during such a state, as well as really enjoy and rejuvenate yourself. Upon awakening in the morning, spend a couple of minutes laying still in bed, following your breath while remaining aware of your thinking process, before you get up. Do not neglect your need for exercise; when you lift weights, do so mindfully, riding each breath with full awareness, and, if possible, letting yourself really feel and let go as you work out. Even if your workout time is short, don’t rush through it.
And for days when it’s just too much, days when you feel like you can’t go on? Give yourself permission to rant and/or break down; it’s much more efficient to let the tears (and maybe rage too) flow (in the appropriate setting) than to just soldier on.
Do you want a deeply challenging spiritual practice? Look no further than your family and its attending responsibilities. You’re in spiritual bootcamp for the long haul, and your family circumstances pretty well make sure you can’t bail. This is both the good news and the bad news. Don’t put any juice into comparing your situation to others.
Families are not necessarily a hindrance to authentic transformation. Just don’t look for quick results. What you are in is more a marathon than a few laps around the track. You may not appreciate it at the time, but you are developing an invaluable tool -- spiritual stamina.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
B. Michael D asks:
You mentioned that you were leading and being supported by a spiritual community when the 5-meo experience took place.
1. Can you say a few words about the relation of recovery and community support? Such as: What if you had been alone during that time? How would things have been different? Was the community support (including spouse) necessary to your recovery?
2. You also wrote about being in the role of “cult leader” to that community, and how the effects of your leader role became painfully apparent to you in the aftermath of the 5-meo experience. Do you think the above two factors were directly connected? In other words, do you think that the 5-meo experience was somehow instrumental in the exposition of the cult dynamic?
3. You are apparently an extraordinary man who has had an extraordinary life in many ways. Can you say a few words about your childhood?
Robert answers:
1. Support is invaluable in the recovery process. If I’d been alone, I would have had a harder time for sure (especially in the first few months), and would have probably surrendered to medication earlier than I did. How would have things been different? It likely would have taken longer to get back on my feet. Was the community support (including spousal) necessary to my recovery? I can’t say for sure; the support stabilized me for short bursts, but the growing instability of the very community that was supporting me just reinforced my shakiness. Regardless, I remain very grateful for the support I did receive.
2. Yes. My 5-MeO experience (roughly 9 months long) was highly instrumental in exposing and dismantling the cultic elements of the community. My defenses were so devastatingly obliterated that I could not hold things together, and could not help but be receptive to what was going on.
3. My childhood... A dreamy and troubled time. I had nightmares most nights, often featuring my parents turning into monsters. My father was abusive, my mother passive; I didn’t trust either, but could not face the monstrousness of this until my childhood was ending. I found solace in nature, and in my inner life. I saw what others apparently didn’t see. All sorts of beings and translucent lights filled my room at night, whether I was asleep or not. Putting on my light did little to dismiss them. I spent long hours creating and dramatically interacting with fantasy characters, sometimes acting them out to such an extent that concerned neighbors contacted my parents.
School was alien to me for a while, until I decided to participate in it. I always had high grades, and so was often allowed to sit apart from my classmates and do projects that were not part of the curriculum. I especially loved to draw, being able by age 7 to accurately draw Disney characters, to the delight of my classmates. I also loved poetry, sometimes reading it in front of classes. At the same time, my competitiveness grew (partly as a “solution” to my difficulties with my father), in conjunction with an equally gripping shyness. I was a such an avid reader that I needed glasses when I was 8 or 9. From an early age, I ‘d ask my parents where I’d come from (one answer I kept getting was: from a garbage can), because I could not believe that they were my parents.
A photo floats before me: I’m about one, sitting on my mother’s lap; she’s posing for the camera, and I have a faraway look in my eyes. An image of rearing horses, wild-eyed, sleek powerhouses, now comes to me, for my parents’ place was, among other things, a thoroughbred racehorse farm, and I was part of that from early on, working with horses, cleaning their stables, etcetera, to the point where they began to gallop through my dreams, obliterating the fences between them and me. One more image: I’m maybe 6, and am swimming underwater toward a glittering popcan at the bottom of an amazingly clear river pool, feeling loose and so, so free...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
C. Arthur/adastra asks:
1. Given that you feel your pre-5-Meo body of work no longer necessarily reflects what you now believe - even to the point of having been done by "a different man" - how would you advise people to approach that early work? Would you prefer that people not read it, or at least not read it with the expectation that it necessarily reflects your current beliefs? If people wish to study Robert Augustus Masters, Release 1.0, do you have any guidelines or suggestions for them?
2. If your pre-5-Meo self were standing before you now, what would say to him?
Robert answers:
1. I’m fine with people reading it, so long as they read it knowing that it doesn’t necessarily reflect or represent where I’m now at. If people wish to study RAM 1.0 (my pre-1994 writings), my suggestion is to supplement it with my current writings.
2. I love you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
D. (responding to the above), Jana/Plasmafly asks:
1. I would say, Give RAMOS 1.0 a flipping break.
Thing is that RAMOS's early work is entirely valuable as it is to energize green and below, and since the majority of humans on the planet ARE green and below, I say...this work is just as valuable to the progress of humanity as RAM's present work.
Other than a slight measure of bombastic enthusiasm I see absolutely no error or problem with Roberts early work. I gotta say this and say it real loud because it would be a shame if his present ego prevented this much needed work from the distribution and exposure that it warrants, and that the world cries out for.
Why don't you give your former self a break, your stuff from the 80's is even more pertinent to where most people are at, than your smoother expansive current approach.
The way you put salt, sugar and lemonjuice together in your former incarnation is just the right combo of irritation to force awake the sleeping billions...IMHO
Robert answers:
1. I appreciate your passion for the writings of RAM 1.0 (my pre-1994 writings), but I’m less of a fan of his than you are. When I look back at those writings, I feel a great tenderness for who I was then, glad as I am to be where I now am. My basic message is much the same, but I strongly prefer my current style and delivery. The wild energy in my earlier books is still with me, especially in my poetry, but is found less on psychospiritual soapboxes now, and more on the shared ground of humanity; if this means that I reach less people, so be it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A. Dan/crystallake2 asks:
1. I am married with two kids (ages 8 and 10). I find it hard to spare much time to be focused on transformative practices, including psychotherapy. My desire to practice conscious transformation is as great as my desire to have a family and to be able to provide for them. On one level this seems like a conflict. I then expect all the canned answers such as "Your entire life is one meditation, live it" or "Everything is an opportunity for growth" or "It's all one, there is no separation." Those ideals don't seem to effectively address the issue on a practical level.
To give a contrasting example (and the ego loves contrasts, always comparing itself to another object of consciousness), I have a friend who lived for years in a spiritual community and never has had children or committed to any marriage. He lived a simple, debt free life with as little clutter as possible. He even only owned two or three pieces of furniture as an example of how he thought and lived. Simplicity to the extreme. To this day at almost 60 years of age he remains "free" as a result of his philosophy of simplicity and has the time to pursue a "spiritual" lifestyle.
I work 5 AM until 8:30 PM 5 - 6 days a week. To pursue transformative practices I will have to get by with 3-4 hrs sleep to squeeze everything into a 24 hr day (and thats exactly what I may need to do). First things first however. I have all the baggage that goes with a family including financial debt. That's first, then whatever is left over goes to "spiritual" activities (i.e. meditation, psychotherapy, weight lifting, etc, etc. I-I's ILP core modules)
My question is, what would you say to someone in my shoes. Is it impossible to have your cake and eat it to? Or is there a strategy even for home makers and parents who have so many worldly obligations?
Yes, raising a family is a "Dharma", but I don't see many examples of these people really moving quickly up the ladder of evolution as in other alternative lifestyles where you have the free time to directly and specifically focus upon transformative practices and activities (ILP core modules that have been proven to work according to Integral Institutes research and recommendations). There are so many "dysfunctional" families these days. It seems that having a family generates so much dysfunction for so many.
Are families a hinderance to authentic transformation? Is there a deeper answer than "Everything is Grist for the Mill"? Creating a balanced fusion of worldly life and inner life is the greatest challenge many face.
Robert answers:
1. First of all, I think it’s crucial that you not turn such well-meaning statements as “everything is an opportunity for growth” into shoulds or occasions to feel bad about yourself. Ask yourself if those who are delivering such statements to you are in (or have been in) anything like your situation, and if not, are they truly getting how it is for you? At the same time, though, you still need to do something with your situation that makes it more workable for you. Do you absolutely have to work such long hours? Is there anything else you could do work-wise that would require less time? If not, then do you get many breaks at work, and if you do, can you do any rejuvenative or transformative practices then?
I strongly recommend (and perhaps you’re already doing this) that you incorporate meditative practice into your work; that is, as you do what you do, periodically do it mindfully. A half-minute here and there throughout your day can do wonders. If you drive back and forth to work, use that time to practice mindfulness and to do any other practice that helps you become more present, like chanting or singing. And home life? Some of what little time you have left of course needs to go to your children and partner, which leaves not much for you, so you need to do whatever you can to make your time with your kids and partner quality time for you too. Not necessarily easy, I know, but definitely doable.
More recommendations: Before you go to sleep, sit for 10 minutes or so, doing whatever meditative practice most easily settles and calms you, then suggest to yourself that you will be aware of dreaming while you are dreaming, so as to help induce lucid dreaming. Why? Because you can work on yourself during such a state, as well as really enjoy and rejuvenate yourself. Upon awakening in the morning, spend a couple of minutes laying still in bed, following your breath while remaining aware of your thinking process, before you get up. Do not neglect your need for exercise; when you lift weights, do so mindfully, riding each breath with full awareness, and, if possible, letting yourself really feel and let go as you work out. Even if your workout time is short, don’t rush through it.
And for days when it’s just too much, days when you feel like you can’t go on? Give yourself permission to rant and/or break down; it’s much more efficient to let the tears (and maybe rage too) flow (in the appropriate setting) than to just soldier on.
Do you want a deeply challenging spiritual practice? Look no further than your family and its attending responsibilities. You’re in spiritual bootcamp for the long haul, and your family circumstances pretty well make sure you can’t bail. This is both the good news and the bad news. Don’t put any juice into comparing your situation to others.
Families are not necessarily a hindrance to authentic transformation. Just don’t look for quick results. What you are in is more a marathon than a few laps around the track. You may not appreciate it at the time, but you are developing an invaluable tool -- spiritual stamina.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
B. Michael D asks:
You mentioned that you were leading and being supported by a spiritual community when the 5-meo experience took place.
1. Can you say a few words about the relation of recovery and community support? Such as: What if you had been alone during that time? How would things have been different? Was the community support (including spouse) necessary to your recovery?
2. You also wrote about being in the role of “cult leader” to that community, and how the effects of your leader role became painfully apparent to you in the aftermath of the 5-meo experience. Do you think the above two factors were directly connected? In other words, do you think that the 5-meo experience was somehow instrumental in the exposition of the cult dynamic?
3. You are apparently an extraordinary man who has had an extraordinary life in many ways. Can you say a few words about your childhood?
Robert answers:
1. Support is invaluable in the recovery process. If I’d been alone, I would have had a harder time for sure (especially in the first few months), and would have probably surrendered to medication earlier than I did. How would have things been different? It likely would have taken longer to get back on my feet. Was the community support (including spousal) necessary to my recovery? I can’t say for sure; the support stabilized me for short bursts, but the growing instability of the very community that was supporting me just reinforced my shakiness. Regardless, I remain very grateful for the support I did receive.
2. Yes. My 5-MeO experience (roughly 9 months long) was highly instrumental in exposing and dismantling the cultic elements of the community. My defenses were so devastatingly obliterated that I could not hold things together, and could not help but be receptive to what was going on.
3. My childhood... A dreamy and troubled time. I had nightmares most nights, often featuring my parents turning into monsters. My father was abusive, my mother passive; I didn’t trust either, but could not face the monstrousness of this until my childhood was ending. I found solace in nature, and in my inner life. I saw what others apparently didn’t see. All sorts of beings and translucent lights filled my room at night, whether I was asleep or not. Putting on my light did little to dismiss them. I spent long hours creating and dramatically interacting with fantasy characters, sometimes acting them out to such an extent that concerned neighbors contacted my parents.
School was alien to me for a while, until I decided to participate in it. I always had high grades, and so was often allowed to sit apart from my classmates and do projects that were not part of the curriculum. I especially loved to draw, being able by age 7 to accurately draw Disney characters, to the delight of my classmates. I also loved poetry, sometimes reading it in front of classes. At the same time, my competitiveness grew (partly as a “solution” to my difficulties with my father), in conjunction with an equally gripping shyness. I was a such an avid reader that I needed glasses when I was 8 or 9. From an early age, I ‘d ask my parents where I’d come from (one answer I kept getting was: from a garbage can), because I could not believe that they were my parents.
A photo floats before me: I’m about one, sitting on my mother’s lap; she’s posing for the camera, and I have a faraway look in my eyes. An image of rearing horses, wild-eyed, sleek powerhouses, now comes to me, for my parents’ place was, among other things, a thoroughbred racehorse farm, and I was part of that from early on, working with horses, cleaning their stables, etcetera, to the point where they began to gallop through my dreams, obliterating the fences between them and me. One more image: I’m maybe 6, and am swimming underwater toward a glittering popcan at the bottom of an amazingly clear river pool, feeling loose and so, so free...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
C. Arthur/adastra asks:
1. Given that you feel your pre-5-Meo body of work no longer necessarily reflects what you now believe - even to the point of having been done by "a different man" - how would you advise people to approach that early work? Would you prefer that people not read it, or at least not read it with the expectation that it necessarily reflects your current beliefs? If people wish to study Robert Augustus Masters, Release 1.0, do you have any guidelines or suggestions for them?
2. If your pre-5-Meo self were standing before you now, what would say to him?
Robert answers:
1. I’m fine with people reading it, so long as they read it knowing that it doesn’t necessarily reflect or represent where I’m now at. If people wish to study RAM 1.0 (my pre-1994 writings), my suggestion is to supplement it with my current writings.
2. I love you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
D. (responding to the above), Jana/Plasmafly asks:
1. I would say, Give RAMOS 1.0 a flipping break.
Thing is that RAMOS's early work is entirely valuable as it is to energize green and below, and since the majority of humans on the planet ARE green and below, I say...this work is just as valuable to the progress of humanity as RAM's present work.
Other than a slight measure of bombastic enthusiasm I see absolutely no error or problem with Roberts early work. I gotta say this and say it real loud because it would be a shame if his present ego prevented this much needed work from the distribution and exposure that it warrants, and that the world cries out for.
Why don't you give your former self a break, your stuff from the 80's is even more pertinent to where most people are at, than your smoother expansive current approach.
The way you put salt, sugar and lemonjuice together in your former incarnation is just the right combo of irritation to force awake the sleeping billions...IMHO
Robert answers:
1. I appreciate your passion for the writings of RAM 1.0 (my pre-1994 writings), but I’m less of a fan of his than you are. When I look back at those writings, I feel a great tenderness for who I was then, glad as I am to be where I now am. My basic message is much the same, but I strongly prefer my current style and delivery. The wild energy in my earlier books is still with me, especially in my poetry, but is found less on psychospiritual soapboxes now, and more on the shared ground of humanity; if this means that I reach less people, so be it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
posted by adastra at 12:06 PM
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